Quoted by "Peterborough" in the Daily Mail recently, these extracts from medical notes written by Glasgow doctors ...
• The patient has no previous history of suicides
• Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital
• Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40lb weight gain the last three days
• She has no rigors or shaking chills but her husband states that she was very hot in bed last night
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
• On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed
• The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993
• Discharge status: alive, but without my permission
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful
• Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch
• She is numb from her toes down
• While in ER she was examined, X-rated and sent home
• The skin was moist and dry
• Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches
• Patient was alert and unresponsive
• Rectal examination revealed a normal-sized thyroid
• She stated that she had been constipated most of her life until she got a divorce
• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation
• Examination of the genitalia revealed that he is circus sized
• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function
• Skin: somewhat pale but present
• The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor
• Large brown stool ambulating in the hall
• Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled round the room
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December
• Patient was seen in consultation by Dr.Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree
• The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead
• By the time he was admitted his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better
... and a reader's letter to the same paper quotes an extract from Stephen Pollard's biography of David Blunkett ...
After winning the 2001 election, Labour's senior ministers went to Buckingham Palace to receive their seals of office. One of those present said "We were dead on our feet after campaigning for three weeks ... John Prescott knelt, recited his oath and walked away leaving the Queen still holding his seals of office. Jack Straw mangled his oath ... then steered blind David Blunkett towards the Queen.
Blunkett ended up facing not the Queen but a statue of George IV, to which he addressed his oath.
At the end of the shambolic series of events, the Queen said "I hope you run the country better than you have managed over the last 15 minutes!"
The GOS says: No comment from me, I think ...
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