Quoted by "Peterborough" in the Daily Mail recently, these extracts from medical notes written by Glasgow doctors ...
The patient has no previous history of suicides
Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital
Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40lb weight gain the last three days
She has no rigors or shaking chills but her husband states that she was very hot in bed last night
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993
Discharge status: alive, but without my permission
Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch
She is numb from her toes down
While in ER she was examined, X-rated and sent home
The skin was moist and dry
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches
Patient was alert and unresponsive
Rectal examination revealed a normal-sized thyroid
She stated that she had been constipated most of her life until she got a divorce
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation
Examination of the genitalia revealed that he is circus sized
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function
Skin: somewhat pale but present
The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
When she fainted, her eyes rolled round the room
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr.Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead
By the time he was admitted his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better
... and a reader's letter to the same paper quotes an extract from Stephen Pollard's biography of David Blunkett ...
After winning the 2001 election, Labour's senior ministers went to Buckingham Palace to receive their seals of office. One of those present said "We were dead on our feet after campaigning for three weeks ... John Prescott knelt, recited his oath and walked away leaving the Queen still holding his seals of office. Jack Straw mangled his oath ... then steered blind David Blunkett towards the Queen.
Blunkett ended up facing not the Queen but a statue of George IV, to which he addressed his oath.
At the end of the shambolic series of events, the Queen said "I hope you run the country better than you have managed over the last 15 minutes!"
The GOS says: No comment from me, I think ...
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