Market trader Janet Devers from Wanstead was convicted yesterday of selling fruit and vegetables using imperial measures - even though the EU says it should not be an offence. The mother of two fought back tears as she was ordered by magistrates to pay almost £5,000 in costs and told she would have a criminal record after being found guilty of eight offences under the Weights and Measures Act.
As part of the landmark case, the greengrocer was also convicted of selling vegetables for £1 a bowl rather than counting them out individually - a practice commonplace amongst Britain's 40,000 market traders who use bowls to help customers baffled by grams and kilograms.
The verdict, which has outraged campaigners, comes a year after the EU said it would no longer force Britain to adopt the metric system of weights and measures. It became illegal to sell any goods in Britain in non-metric weights and measures under the EU's compulsory metrication policy in 2000, but in September last year Gunther Verheugen, European Commission vice president for enterprise and industry, said Brussels never intended to criminalise those who sold in pounds and ounces.
But the laws under which Mrs Devers was prosecuted are still on the UK statute books, and just a few days after Mr Verheugen made his remarks, trading standards officials from Hackney Council, supported by two police officers, arrived at Mrs Devers's market stall to confiscate two sets of imperial, non-metric scales.
Today, at Thames Magistrates' Court, in the first UK prosecution since the EU ruling, she was convicted of using imperial scales without an official stamp and selling scotch bonnet peppers, okra, pak choi and peppers in bowls for £1 without giving the quantity or weight of produce in the bowl.
Magistrates accepted that she was only trying to offer customers value for money, and gave her a conditional discharge - but this means she will still have a criminal record, and will have to find £5,000 legal costs.
In a way, I welcome this news item. It has helped to crystallise my thoughts about the European Union. This is the way it works …
1. Officials in Brussels - not elected representatives, mind, but well-paid eurocrats whose sole aim is to justify their own existence and continued employment by finding things to do and people to boss about - decide that it would be a good idea if everyone in Europe were to use the same weights and measures.
2. Our own government, probably alone among all the other European nations, takes it seriously and obediently trots out the necessary legislation.
3. Someone in Brussels with more than two brain-cells realises what's going on and says "Hey, wait a minute, we just said it would be a good idea, we didn't actually mean you'd got to send anyone to prison or anything …"
4. But the brave officials of Hackney Borough Council - not elected representatives, mind, but well-paid jobsworths whose sole aim is to justify their own existence and continued employment by finding things to do and people to boss about - realise there's an opportunity here. If something's enshrined in law, there's always some self-important little squit ready to put himself out by enforcing it.
And that's it, really. The magistrates could see how absurd it was, and gave the lightest sentence they were allowed. But Mrs. Devers is still a criminal.
Meanwhile in the real world, the international banking system is going down the tubes, stock-markets are crashing and taking The GOS's few stocks and shares with them, and Icelandic crooks have stolen billions of money belonging to British council-tax-payers.
If that seems a little harsh, think of it like this: when The GOS bought his shares, he knew it was a gamble. But nobody puts money in a bank in order to have a bit of a flutter - you put money in a bank for safe keeping, don't you? So when all these local councils were looking around for a safe place to keep a bit of spare money, up steps your jolly Icelander and offers to look after it for them.
Now it seems your jolly Icelander has speculated with it, failed, and is refusing to hand it back. That's theft, isn't it, taking something that isn't yours and refusing to give it back? So they're crooks.
Time was, in 1972-3 and again two years later, when the jolly Icelanders decided that British fishermen were stealing their jolly Icelandic fish, and they were quick enough to take jolly strong action - so strong that the Navy had to step in to protect British lives and the two nations came within an ace of a proper shooting war.
So for once MacGordon MacBroon has done something right in freezing Icelandic assets in response to their criminal cupidity. Frankly he ought to go further, seizing all jolly Icelandic property in this country and donating it to the beleaguered local councils. And if the jolly Icelanders don't jolly like it, let's see what they can jolly do about it - it'd be a splendid excuse for bringing our boys back from boring, hot old Afghanistan.
But while MacG MacB is strutting around acting all macho, what is the mighty EU doing about the credit crunch and the looming recession?
Bugger all, that's what. There's been a resounding silence from Brussels, a complete lack of any joint or concerted strategy. Instead, independent member-countries have had to act on their own, led by Ireland. And when any concerted action has been taken, as with yesterday's lowering of bank rates around the world, it certainly wasn't done or brokered by the EU.
So that's what crystallised in the old Grumpy Noggin when he read about poor, martyred Mrs.Devers in Wanstead: what's the EU actually good for? When action is needed, when global crisis impends, when nations look to them for leadership, they're all out spending their expense accounts.
And when they do get down to what they're good at - telling the rest of us what to do - they can't even get that right, and have to admit "Well, we didn't actually mean that, don't take us so seriously …" Unfortunately, it was too late. When once the bloodhounds of Hackney Borough Council have scent of their prey, they are unstoppable, implacable and … well, unbelievable. The thing that's really unbelievable is that the Head of Department who authorised the prosecution still has a job.
Going back to the jolly Icelanders, there was a telling moment in one of the radio reports from Reykjavik. The reporter was standing outside the biggest bank, and spoke of seeing all the people inside looking very worried and using their mobile phones.
That just about sums it up, doesn't it?
This is the root of all our problems.
We've given all our money to people who spend their time talking into their mobile phones instead of doing a proper job.
Bastards. I suppose the upside is that now a lot of them will probably have to go out and get a proper job. Perhaps they could come to this country and work for Hackney Borough Council. They could man the phones - that'd be jolly.
Oh, by the way: if you'd like to make a contribution towards Mrs.Devers's costs, send a donation to The Metric Martyrs Defence Fund, PO Box 526, Sunderland, SR1 3YS.
Or you could just keep your money in the bank …
either on this site or on the World Wide Web.
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