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I know a Captain of Industry, who made big bombs for the R.F.C., And collared a lot of £ s. d. - and he, thank God, has the O.B.E. I know a Lady of Pedigree, who asked some soldiers out to tea, And said "Dear me!" and "Yes, I see!" - and she, thank God, has the O.B.E. I know a fellow of twenty-three, who got a job with a fat M.P. - (Not caring much for the Infantry) and he, thank God, has the O.B.E. I had a friend; a friend, and he just held the line for you and me, And kept the Germans from the sea, and died - without the O.B.E. Thank God! He died without the O.B.E. A.A.Milne Tony Bliar MP c/o Somewhere up George Bush's bottom Dear Mr.Bliar, I would like, please, to purchase an award in the next honours list. I see from the newspapers that a peerage costs anything from £300,000 upwards, but I think "Lord Grumpy" would sound a little silly so I am quite happy to set my sights a little lower. How about an OBE? That wouldn't cost much, surely? What'll you take - say, £1,000? My money's as good as anyone else's, I imagine? There's some gossip round our way about a man who works in the local education department. He has a reputation for being unpleasant, overbearing, inefficient and opinionated. It's been alleged that some head teachers won't even let him through the door. He's been disciplined by his employers for bullying in the workplace, he's got rid of virtually every colleague who dared to stand up to him, he was convicted for drunk driving while in charge of a group of school-children, and was once investigated for sexually harassing a student. Recently he was given an OBE. I haven't done any of those things, and I've got some money saved up. How about it? Who do I make the cheque out to? Yours hopefully, Captain Grumpy either on this site or on the World Wide Web. This site created and maintained by PlainSite |