As we make it a point of principle to slag off others when they deserve it, we do appreciate a good insult. These were sent by our reader P***** W******, to whom much thanks. We know they're not new by any means, but they're so enjoyable we think they deserve another airing ...
Lady Astor: ”If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!”
Winston Churchill: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy" - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire" - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure" - Clarence Darrow
William Faulkner, of Ernest Hemingway: "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary"
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it" - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it" - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends" - Oscar Wilde
George Bernard Shaw: "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one."
Winston Churchill: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here" - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator" - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial" - Irvin S.Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others" - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up" - Paul Keating
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him" - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork" - Mae West
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination" - Andrew Lang
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music" - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it" - Groucho Marx
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