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As we make it a point of principle to slag off others when they deserve it, we do appreciate a good insult. These were sent by our reader P***** W******, to whom much thanks. We know they're not new by any means, but they're so enjoyable we think they deserve another airing ... Lady Astor: ”If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!” Winston Churchill: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy" - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire" - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure" - Clarence Darrow William Faulkner, of Ernest Hemingway: "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary" "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it" - Moses Hadas "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it" - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends" - Oscar Wilde George Bernard Shaw: "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one." Winston Churchill: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here" - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator" - John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial" - Irvin S.Cobb "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others" - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up" - Paul Keating "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him" - Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork" - Mae West "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination" - Andrew Lang "He has Van Gogh's ear for music" - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it" - Groucho Marx either on this site or on the World Wide Web. Copyright © 2010 The GOS |
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