Baroness Sarah Ludford, the Liberal Democrat MEP for London, was the second Wanker of the Week we ever had, for her incredible stupidity over the affair of Foxy Ken Livingspoon and the Jewish journalist.
Well, now she's at it again, and thereby wins for herself the great distinction of being the first person to be Wanker of the Week twice.
Her problem is not so much her political views, which are absurd but not as unusual as all that. No, her real problem is that she just isn't very bright.
As her previous award showed, she doesn't understand the English language very well. And this time she demonstrates a particularly feminine failure to grasp simple concepts like cause-and-effect (look, if you turn the steering wheel this way, the front of the car goes that way …), or non sequitur (yes dear, I know Hitler had a moustache but it doesn't mean that all men with moustaches are demagogues. No, dear, a demagogue isn't half a synagogue. No, it's not two monologues put together, either …).
Writing this week on the readers' letters page of the Daily Mail (why? For God's sake, why?) Baroness Ludford gathered both her brain cells together and attempted to savage Jeremy Clarkson …
"Jeremy Clarkson might have won the backing of more than 30,000 people in a petition calling for him to be Prime Minister but he seems to be confused about Europe.
He's quoted as insisting that Britain 'withdraw from the EU', but on the same day he demanded 'the same plug sockets in all countries in the EU'."
Well, Baroness, I'm glad you cleared that up for us. You are, after all, a member of the European parliament so I suppose you ought to know. If we leave the EU we will not be allowed to use the same electric sockets as member countries, is that it? How will that work? If we make a unilateral change and adopt those stupid little two-pin jobbies, all the EU countries will overnight start using three-pin plugs just to spite us?
And is that what the EU is all about, Baroness MEP? Electric plugs? What a sad little life you must lead.
And our Jeremy, what of him? Are you suggesting that because he wants us to leave the EU he isn't entitled to have any other opinions about it? Isn't that a bit like saying that because we're opposed to speed cameras, we're not allowed to mention them round the dinner table? Conversation in your house must be a bit odd ...
"Mmm, nice meal, my dear. The lamb is very tender."
"I thought you had issues over EU farming subsidies?"
"Oh yes, sorry. Forget I mentioned the lamb. What have you got on this weekend?"
"I can't tell you. It may affect my carbon footprint, so obviously .. you know. Least said, soonest mended."
"Mmm, of course. Quite understand. More wine?"
"Oh really! Don't you know my views about underage binge drinking? Oh go on, then, just a small one ..."
And how galling it must be for you to realise that there is this entertainer, a mere motoring journalist, who 30,000 people have actually heard of. I wonder how many people reading this page would know who the hell you were, if I hadn't told 'em?
The GOS says: If you have any questions about the vital matter of electric sockets, Baroness Ludford's obviously the girl to ask. I think she does a bit of plumbing as well. Her address is 36b St Peter's Street, London N1 8JT, telephone 020 7288 2526, Email office@sarahludfordmep.org.uk. Her website is at www.sarahludfordmep.org.uk, and browsing round it you find that she does quite often talk some sense. For a woman politician, anyway. Which makes it all the more risible when she commits bloopers like …
"understanding and integration is a two-way street" (no it aren't - GOS)
"Over two million cats and dogs are killed in the Far East each year to supply the market with cheap fur … in order to maintain the quality of the fur, extremely cruel methods are used to kill these animals, including gassing, neck breaking, electrocution ... " (and an un-cruel method would be …? - GOS)
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