Our Wankers this Week are, predictably, the Labour Party and, in particular, the arch-self-delusionists Gordon Broon and Harriet Harman.
Following Neue Arbeit's disastrous rout at Crewe, Broon said that voters showed their concern about rising costs during a time of economic difficulty for Britain. "The message we have got is that people are concerned - they are concerned about rising food prices, rising petrol prices, people are concerned about gas bills, electricity bills, they are concerned about what is happening to the economy," he told reporters during a visit to a London hospital.
And Harriet Harman, who we have always regarded as slightly less objectionable than most of the sorry crew in Westminster, said the result had not been "a judgment from voters about the campaign" or a judgment on the candidates - instead it was about "family finances and apprehension they fear about their prospects" which the government would address.
To be fair to Ms.Harman, she did make her feelings known about the absurd and insulting - insulting to the voters, that is - campaign with Labour activists dressing up in "toff's clobber" to discredit the Tory candidate. They evidently had a very low opinion of the average voter in Crewe if they thought that was going to go down well.
But why is it that these supposedly experienced politicians refuse point-blank to accept that the electorate are not voting about the economy? All right, things aren't too good, but it's nothing we can't manage if we keep our heads straight and tighten the family purse-strings a little. I may be tempting fate to say so, but the Grumpy Portfolio - a dinky little thing, small but perfectly formed - still stands at 95% of its value last November. It's not the end of the world. The world as we knew and loved it ended when Tony Bliar came to power and began his war of attrition on the British people.
Just what do Broon and Harman think goes on in our heads? Do they seriously suppose that any of us are stupid enough to believe that the moment a Tory government comes to power, as it certainly will whether we want it or not, the price of oil will suddenly plummet?
Why can they not take on board that the real reason we dislike them so much is that we are sick and tired of being bullied by them? We see clearly the way they have criminalized ordinary citizens and failed to control immigration. They have favoured minority interests at the expense of the general public and bent over backwards to encourage potty single-interest pressure groups like Stonewall, even to the extent of allowing them to frame legislation. They decimated our hospitals and our schools with unnecessary initiatives and pointless accountability exercises. They lied about terrorism, about Iraq and about the environment to justify their repressive policies. They involved us in unjustified wars and wasted precious lives by sending troops to fight with inadequate equipment … I don't have to go on: you all know the list backwards.
Which is the real reason why Crewe was such a disaster for them. They've forgotten for the last 10 years who actually has the power in this country. Seduced by media attention, by big black cars and police escorts and high-profile meetings with world leaders, by offers of seats on boards and massive fees for public speaking, by reporters and television interviewers hanging on their every word, they actually began to believe that they were important, that they were in charge, that they had power.
But the fact is, they don't. We do.
We may be slow to act. We may make some blunders at times - let's face it, we elected them in the first place. We may fight among ourselves. We may be seduced temporarily by fluffy self-righteous campaigns about polar bears and smoking and plastic bags and other things that ought to be taken seriously only by children, adolescent girls and cyclists. We may be greedy and spend-thrift and fat and have dreadful dress-sense.
But we'll get there in the end. And for Neue Arbeit the end is nigh. The moment the next election is called, they're toast, and will remain toast for many years to come. And it'll be nothing to do with how much pocket-money we've got. It'll be because the playground bully has ruled the roost for too long.
And if Neue Arbeit don't realise this, I bet David Cameroon and the rest of the Remove do. They bloody better had! Of course, they have a bit of an advantage - they have big black cars and seats on the board already.
The GOS says: There's been a bit of a fuss down our way in the last few months about some minor local politician who couldn't keep his pecker in his pocket. The interesting thing about this tosser was that he'd only just finished his education before he was a town councillor and a local district councillor and was soon to be put forward for the County Council too. No doubt it would not be long before he was standing for parliament.
This is the way things go nowadays. Time was, a bunch of trade union officials would get together and suggest that Joe Bloggs, General Secretary of the Amalgamated Union of Bottlewashers, had a neat turn of phrase and could be trusted to represent their interests as a Member of Parliament.
Or during an Old Harrovians' reunion at Claridges a bunch of good ol' Tory boys would decide to pass a message to one's uncle at Millbank that Toby Ponsonby-Whittlespoon was a reliable sort of cove with enough brain to do as he was told and find his way into the right lobby …
These days, grasping young graduates look around, see where the main chance is, and plunge into a career path that leads all the way from the Village Hall Committee to a seat on the board and a pension in six figures - and that's the Labour ones, mark you. Beliefs, political convictions, a desire to serve, a determination to right wrongs and make the world a better place … forget it. The only thing modern politicians represent is their own bank accounts. In Switzerland, probably.
Bastards.
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Copyright © 2008 The GOS
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