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11th September 2013: The world's gone mad and I'm the only one who knows
30th August 2013: Isn't sarcasm a wonderful thing?
25th August 2013: Operation Yewtree has turned British justice on its head
13th August 2013: Black is white. Fact. End of.
11th August 2013: Why 'human rights' is nothing of the sort ...
11th August 2013: Electric cars, not as green as they're painted?
6th August 2013: How the British nation treats its friends ...
8th July 2013: The BBC biased? How can that be? They're so NICE!
26th June 2013: Think this country is a bastion of freedom and justice and a shining model for the world? Think again.
18th June 2013: Wrinklies unite, you have nothing to lose but your walking frames!
17th June 2013: is the end finally approaching for this evil woman?
31st May 2013: Now it's official - the BBC really is a left-wing propaganda machine
31st May 2013: Those evil bastards are at it again. Yes, you've guessed it - social services!
27th May 2013: Well-known TV presenter talks sense. No good will come of it.
24th May 2013: British justice is best? Only for the very poor, apparently ...
17th May 2013: Some actual FACTS about climate change (for a change) from actual scientists ...
10th May 2013: An article about that poison gas, carbon dioxide, and other scientific facts (not) ...
10th May 2013: We need to see past the sex and look at the crimes: is justice being served?
8th May 2013: So, who would you trust to treat your haemorrhoids, Theresa May?
8th May 2013: Why should citizens in the 21st Century fear the law so much?
30th April 2013: What the GOS says today, the rest of the world realises tomorrow ...
30th April 2013: You couldn't make it up, could you? Luckily you don't need to ...
29th April 2013: a vote for NONE OF THE ABOVE, because THE ABOVE are crap ...
28th April 2013: what goes around, comes around?
19th April 2013: everyone's a victim these days ...
10th April 2013: Thatcher is dead; long live Thatcher!
8th April 2013: Poor people are such a nuisance. Just give them loads of money and they'll go away ...
26th March 2013: Censorship is alive and well and coming for you ...
25th March 2013: Just do your job properly, is that too much to ask?
25th March 2013: So, what do you think caused your heterosexuality?
20th March 2013: Feminists - puritans, hypocrites or just plain stupid?
18th March 2013: How Nazi Germany paved the way for modern governance?
13th March 2013: Time we all grew up and lived in the real world ...
12th March 2013: Hindenburg crash mystery solved? - don't you believe it!
6th March 2013: Is this the real GOS?
5th March 2013: All that's wrong with taxes
25th February 2013: The self-seeking MP who is trying to bring Britain down ...
24th February 2013: Why can't newspapers just tell the truth?
22nd February 2013: Trial by jury - a radical proposal
13th February 2013: A little verse for two very old people ...
6th February 2013: It's not us after all, it's worms
6th February 2013: Now here's a powerful argument FOR gay marriage ...
4th February 2013: There's no such thing as equality because we're not all the same ...
28th January 2013: Global Warming isn't over - IT'S HIDING!
25th January 2013: Global Warmers: mad, bad and dangerous to know ...
25th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
19th January 2013: We STILL haven't got our heads straight about gays ...
16th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
11th January 2013: What it's like being English ...
7th January 2013: Bleat, bleat, if it saves the life of just one child ...
7th January 2013: How best to put it? 'Up yours, Argentina'?
7th January 2013: Chucking even more of other people's money around ...
6th January 2013: Chucking other people's money around ...
30th December 2012: The BBC is just crap, basically ...
30th December 2012: We mourn the passing of a genuine Grumpy Old Sod ...
30th December 2012: How an official body sets out to ruin Christmas ...
16th December 2012: Why should we pardon Alan Turing when he did nothing wrong?
15th December 2012: When will social workers face up to their REAL responsibility?
15th December 2012: Unfair trading by a firm in Bognor Regis ...
14th December 2012: Now the company that sells your data is pretending to act as watchdog ...
7th December 2012: There's a war between cars and bikes, apparently, and  most of us never noticed!
26th November 2012: The bottom line - social workers are just plain stupid ...
20th November 2012: So, David Eyke was right all along, then?
15th November 2012: MPs don't mind dishing it out, but when it's them in the firing line ...
14th November 2012: The BBC has a policy, it seems, about which truths it wants to tell ...
12th November 2012: Big Brother, coming to a school near you ...
9th November 2012: Yet another celebrity who thinks, like Jimmy Saville, that he can behave just as he likes because he's famous ...
5th November 2012: Whose roads are they, anyway? After all, we paid for them ...
7th May 2012: How politicians could end droughts at a stroke if they chose ...
6th May 2012: The BBC, still determined to keep us in a fog of ignorance ...
2nd May 2012: A sense of proportion lacking?
24th April 2012: Told you so, told you so, told you so ...
15th April 2012: Aah, sweet ickle polar bears in danger, aah ...
15th April 2012: An open letter to Anglian Water ...
30th March 2012: Now they want to cure us if we don't believe their lies ...
28th February 2012: Just how useful is a degree? Not very.
27th February 2012: ... so many ways to die ...
15th February 2012: DO go to Jamaica because you definitely WON'T get murdered with a machete. Ms Fox says so ...
31st January 2012: We don't make anything any more
27th January 2012: There's always a word for it, they say, and if there isn't we'll invent one
26th January 2012: Literary criticism on GOS? How posh!
12th December 2011: Plain speaking by a scientist about the global warming fraud
9th December 2011: Who trusts scientists? Apart from the BBC, of course?
7th December 2011: All in all, not a good week for British justice ...
9th November 2011: Well what d'you know, the law really IS a bit of an ass ...

 

 
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Sorry the GOS has been a bit quiet lately. He's deeply involved trying to finish his boat-building while the weather lasts. There are other things in life, you know, apart from being grumpy. Mind you, some of our readers have really been keeping things going in the Grumpy Guest Book - well worth a look. Magnificently grumpy, and some of them can even spell.
 
But finally something has happened that forces the GOS to break his silence.
 
I refer, of course, to Obersturmbahnfüher Herr Holiness the Pope who has managed to mightily offend the entire Muslim world (not that it takes much to offend them, of course). He made the silly mistake of assuming that when he quoted a passage written by someone else several hundred years ago, everyone would realise that he was not speaking for himself but was quoting a passage written by someone else several hundred years ago! Stupid man.
 
To be fair, the old goat has apologised. But there's a problem with that, too, isn't there? Isn't the Pope supposed to be God's Vicar on Earth? Doesn't he speak for God to the human race? So if he offers an apology, isn't that the same as God Himself apologising? This is the same God, presumably, who banished mankind from the Garden of Eden because they were ever so slightly naughty about a snack? The same God who got fed up with men's evil ways and sent a bloody great flood to drown the lot except for that goody-goody Noah? The same God who bombarded Sodom and Gomorrah with fire? The same God that parted the Red Sea and then let it rush back and wipe out the entire Egyptian army? So … since when, exactly, does God back down? Perhaps some grumpy Catholic will write and enlighten us, because frankly we just can't see the point of being God if you have to pussy-foot around every crank who chooses to take offence.
 
It's a pretty good game, isn't it, this "taking offence"? Anyone can play - Muslims, Jews, Fundamentalist Christians, Catholic Christians, ordinary Christians, gays, disabled people, the poor, single mothers, bereaved people - in fact, anyone with a chip on their shoulder. And the rules of the game are simple:
 
Rule 1, if you're disabled, gay, Jewish, bereaved etc. you can talk as much as you like about being disabled, gay, Jewish or bereaved.
Rule 2, if anyone else says anything about being disabled, gay, Jewish or bereaved, you can take offence and demand an apology. (* see below)
Rule 3, any mention of anything vaguely related to being disabled, gay, Jewish or bereaved may also be deemed offensive especially if it's Ken Livingstone that mentioned it. Or a member of the Royal Family. Or the Pope.
 
The GOS wants to try an experiment. Here's a list of words.
 
"Allah", "autistic", "baby", "backward", "black", "concentration-camp", "crusade", "dead", "dole", "failed", "gay", "God", "illiterate", "Jesus", "Jew", "lavatory", "lunatic", "New Labour", "old", "senile", "stupid", "unemployed", "unmarried", "wheelchair", "woman".
 
How many of them do you find offensive? Only one or two? None of them? Well, as the last year or two have shown, somewhere in the world every single one of them has given offence to somebody - usually regardless of the context in which it was used (the odd one out is "New Labour" - that really is offensive).
 
Still, we have to look on the bright side, don't we. That's not a question, by the way. We do. We really do. Oh God, we really do have to look on the bright side, because otherwise …..
 
And the bright side is, hoorah, hooray, calloo, callay, oh, frabjious joy, we've got the bastards at each other's throats now.
 
In the red corner, the ex-Hitler Youth Papal Pitbull who rules over 1.1 billion ignorant souls, who governs the church that opposed every advance you can think of in scientific thinking, that spawned the Spanish Inquisition to torture people into believing what it wanted them to believe, that burned heretics at the stake, that condemned young unmarried Irish mothers to years of imprisonment in mental hospitals, that refused to speak out against Hitler, that year after year ignored the fact that its priests were buggering children.
 
And in the blue corner, the lunatic fringe of a lunatic faith, who can with one breath claim "it is impossible that jihad can be linked with violence, we Muslims have no violent character", and with the next scream vengeance against a world they plainly find incomprehensible, who demand understanding and respect for themselves while failing to understand or respect others, who believe that if they shout loudly enough the world will realise it owes them a living, who have no sense of humour or proportion, who cry miracle if the name of Allah is found on the skin of an apple but shout heresy and insult if they see it on the top of an ice-cream carton.
 
Brilliant. Should be a good fight. My money's on the old man in the frock.
 

 
* Here's a case in point. This letter from Kathryn Tope of Midsomer Norton appeared in this week's Sunday Times:
 
"As the grandmother of a four-year-old diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder I strongly object to the headline "Autistic Brown loses the plot" and the reference to Asperger's syndrome. The linking of perceived political behaviour to this condition does nothing to assist in the understanding of this complex disorder."
 
Someone needs to point out to Kathryn Tope that having a relative who is autistic does not mean that she now owns the word "autistic", or that we all have to tread carefully around her. Nor should we all feel compelled, because of her misfortune (not that it is her misfortune actually - it belongs more properly to the child's parents, and she is just borrowing it to fuel her own sense of self-importance) to "assist in the understanding ...". Frankly, most of us are not competent to assist in the understanding and aren't interested in doing so.
 

 

 
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