Sent to us by one of our visitors, an open letter to the Prime Minister ...
Dear Mr. Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing England's economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You could call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement subject to the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire. This will create ten million job openings overnight. That's unemployment fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new British-made car. That's ten million cars ordered, and the car industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage. That's the housing crisis fixed.
4) Their kids MUST go to school/college/university until they're at least 25, whether they want to or not. That's the crime rate fixed. If they don't want to go to college, make 'em join the armed services instead – without pay.
5) They MUST buy £100-worth of alcohol/tobacco a week. So there's your money back in duty/tax etc.
6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down and heat our houses with rape-seed oil and light them with goose-fat lamps. That's farming fixed.
Simples!
Yours sincerely,
The British Public
(P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back in full their expenses and second home allowances. They can damn well move nearer the job and travel under their own steam like the rest of us)
The GOS says: While we're talking about expenses for public servants, how about issuing a fatwah on the head of Essex fire service, who recently milked the council tax payer of £30,000 to move from Northants to Essex. I've moved a number of times in my life, and I don't remember it costing that much or anything like.
Oh no, that's not correct. He didn't move to Essex at all. He moved to Suffolk. Work that out; I'm blowed if I can.
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